An 80s Movie About a Public Swimming Pool?

(This is for all the people who grew up in my hometown of Greenville, Pa.)

OK, I need help remembering the name of a movie I saw on TV the other day.

It was about this skinny kid, named Ron, who’s dad got him a job at the local public pool in a small town. Since he didn’t have any discernible skills or certifications he couldn’t be a lifeguard so he was relegated to working in the men’s changing room.

Everybody had to have an in to work at the pool. The two teachers who ran the pool as their summer jobs, were wrestling coaches, so, a lot of the employees were wrestlers. Meanwhile, Ron’s “in” was the fact that his father worked for the water company and the city filled the pool every year.

He toiled the first few days cleaning the pool and setting up diving boards alongside various, much stronger, members of the wrestling team. After a few days of hard work our hero was really regretting taking this job.

Then the girls showed up (Van Halen’s “Beautiful Girls” starts playing).

Suddenly, the dorky Ron was surrounded by the pool’s female workers. These included cheerleaders and dance line girls from his high school, pretty girls who walked past him in the hallways of school and never gave him the time of day. These very same girls were now his co-workers!

As any good, dorky 80s lead character would do, he let his two best friends know that maybe, just maybe, he could get to know these girls and they could all hang out and well, who knows (spoiler alert, the “who knows” never happens!).

Ron did his best to get to know these girls and convince them he was worth knowing. Since Ron didn’t have the muscular frame of his wrestling co-workers he turned to his strong suit – humor.

This humor required a lot of time spent not working to really take shape. There was only one thing that stood in his way, one person who always insisted he quit slacking off and get back to work. His name was Mr. McClaren but everyone called him by his nickname, Bud (although Ron would have never done this). Bud had served as Ron’s elementary school principal and was known for his icy glare, his ability to deal out corporal punishment and his skill twirling the lanyard of his ever present lifeguard whistle.

Then, in true 80s Summer movie fashion, there’s a montage of Ron gradually getting to be friends with his female co-workers while Bud chases him back to work (and The Clash’s “Train in Vain” plays). The montage includes sneaking ice cream sandwiches and Reese’s Cups from the pool’s snack bar, doing can-openers off the high dive and soaking the female lifeguards, goofy imitations, etc.

Flash to Ron’s second year at the pool. After finally making friends with his female co-workers the previous year, he thought he was the coolest guy in school (he wasn’t). Ron came back to the pool and was ready to own it. He would do his very best to try and indulge in even more tomfoolery in his friendly game of pulling one over on Bud. It became a challenge to get one over on the all-knowing, all-seeing Bud.

In year two Ron splits time with another pool employee running the snack bar. He doles out treats with style and panache (or so he thought). The Van Halen 1 album was cranking while he worked, kids charging forward, quarters in hand, begging for Popsicles or ice cream sandwiches. Meanwhile the battle of wits would continue – and Ron lost to Bud every time.

Ron showed up a few hours before the pool opened to hang out with the lifeguards, and goof off. He grabbed the mic for the PA system, taped it open and placed a boom box in front of it  – the music of the Michael Stanley Band (from Cleveland, OH) was blasting over the PA system. Ron knew when Bud would show up so he shut the music off in plenty of time. When Bud did show up a half hour later, he scolded the entire staff. “I had some neighbors of the pool call ME to complain about the noise of music over the PA system.” He looked right at Ron who thought, “Neighbors! Never thought of that! Damn, you win again Bud.”

Ron and his two buddies (I’ll leave their names out, which is probably for the best) had watched “Caddyshack” over and over again that summer. So Ron thought he’d try and trick some kids with the “Turd in the Pool” from the movie.

In the movie the turd turned out to be a Baby Ruth candy bar. The snack bar didn’t have any of those so Ron substituted a Snickers and dropped in the deep end right before the pool opened. Much to his initial dismay, the candy bar, unlike in the movie, sunk to the bottom. Ron didn’t panic and started to spread the word to some of the kids in attendance, “I think that’s a turd in the deep end.” Eventually all the kids where staring at the deep end while Ron dared them to go down and check it out. Nothing could go wrong, it was Bud’s night off.

Until it did.

Bud showed up, because, well, he was Bud and could sense mischief.

It was only a matter of minutes before Bud deduced what was going on. Besides, a number of kids had actually told him what was going on so there was no need for Bud to deduce what was going.

“Go down and get it,” Bud told Ron.

“But it’s a turd.” Ron said.

“A turd would have dissolved in all this water and chlorine ,” Bud said.

Damn, Ron thought, science! Bud knew it all.

After Ron retrieved the faux turd Bud lectured the staff on the damage a candy bar could do to the pool’s filtration system. Ron vowed, right then and there, to never act dumb or joke around like that again (I doubt his resolution lasted long).

There’s a bunch of other stuff, but I won’t bore you with all the details. All I will is say is Bud won every time.  When Ron decided two years was enough at the pool, he left with great respect for Bud – a truly worthy opponent.

Then if flashes forward: Ron stayed friends with his female co-workers for the rest of high school. He and his two buddies remain friends to this day and managed to grow up and be respectable husbands, workers and fathers. Ron’s daughter became a lifeguard at their local public pool, torch passed, sorta, he thinks.

More things happen then Ron and his two friends are joined by a few other people around a camp fire. One of the other people say, “I remember when you worked at the pool.” Ron says in return, “Wanna hear some stories?”

-If you could fill in some blanks, add your own memories please feel free. Share with your friends and let me know what’s missing and we can add to this tale –